Every morning I pull a Goddess Card from my oracle deck, this morning was no exception.
As I lay in bed watching the sun dapple through my window and make its way onto my white crisp sheets, I began to tune into what the day held for me. Shuffling through the deck card by card, I intentionally selected the one that called out to me.
I turned it over revealing Artemis ~ The Spiritual Warrior.
I stared blankly back at her ~ I usually receive a message or gentle gut instinct as to what she may be hear to support me with, but today I felt nothing.
I shut my eyes again and began to drop down into my breathe, I soon arrived at a flash back of the past few weeks...Feelings of self doubt began to arise; an all too familiar feeling… that feeling like a deep hole in the pit of your stomach.
I guess I’ve been trying to avoid coming to terms with the fact that this feeling has been here a while, I’ve been working hard to heal my self doubt and insecurities ( basically undoing all the conditioning of my childhood years) .. but somehow it seems to keep showing up.
Am I good enough? Flash backing to situations where I've lowered myself because of this belief
Am I good enough? Insecurities arising in relationships with my family,work, friends + my partner
Am I good enough? Holding court through reflections in different experiences + situations I've found myself in
From insecurities about how I look, to creative blocks, to communication issues, money problems... the list could go on. They all conjure up that same pit in your stomach type feeling, they all sing to the same tune.. they all stem from the question:
Am I good Enough?
Now… I used to think I was armed with tools anytime my self doubt arose. I had my toolbox in place for this kind of Code Red appearance; Tools I've picked up form various magikal women, books I’ve read + spirituals practices I’ve learnt.
The Toolbox generally includes:
Keeping my hands busy (busy hands… quiet mind) that's a saying my mum passed me down - Cooking or Cleaning are good at this time
Going for walks in nature has always helped too, spending time looking at the magikal way nature exists effortlessly. Observing how it flows makes my problems feel totally insignificant.
Breathing techniques ~ Inhaling love… Exhaling fear
Taking a long hot Salt Bath
Writing Gratitude lists
However, what I began to notice was that although these tools connected me back to the present moment, they weren't in the long run, effecting the underlying belief that still lives deep down within me.
"As when the day is gone, the insecurities still rise, and the fears still creep in from quiet corners within"
During this moment of realisation (i.e. now writing this post) I realised this to be the more inward, Feminine, Moon energy,Yin, emotional way of healing the wound. The nurturing, soulful, calming, loving approach to heal the belief that I’m not good enough.
They help connect me back to my being, they help connect me to my soul self; my most magikal self, but that alone will not heal this belief.
I need some more tools.. and all of a sudden (lightbulb moment) this is where my Spiritual Warrior walks in.
Showing up in my Feminine is not enough to conquer and defeat these old beleifs… No No No… it's time for the Masculine, the outward, the Sun energy to rise; the spiritual, fiery warrior within … so that I can use her powers to confront fear, to rise up to insecurities, to face my old wounds + false beliefs.
She will show up at those moments when it hurts the most and stand face to face with them looking them straight in the eyes so that I can not just silence this belief... but defeat this belief.
This is the role of the Spiritual Warrior. This is the balance, the equilibrium, the harmony between Masculine + Feminine, Sun + Moon, Yin + Yang. We need both don't we!
My Feminine, upon reflection has prepared me for battle by connecting me back to my heart… but the spiritual warrior within is the one who will fight it.
She will fight for my freedom, fight for my beliefs, fight my integrity, fight for my desires, fight for my peace.
So how does our spiritual warrior show up?
I have assessed 3 tactics ( the first two are inspired by Don Miguel's "4 Agreements").
“Awareness” We must first be aware of the fear within us.. we must be aware that there is a challenge being called to us
"Control” We must be able to control our emotions, not let them steal the show but own them ~ expressing them when we need to and not letting them take over
"Intention" We must have an intention... a reason to go to battle and for the spiritual warrior this intention must always be for Peace. Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of life.
Remember it may take a few battles; the obstacles and challenges may keep coming up and up, but each time you rise to them and look at them straight in the eyes... they get weaker and weaker until one day you look around and realise you’ve won the war.
Fear is nothing but control over our emotions, we must remember that. It is our duty to be the best versions of ourselves, to conquer our challenges.
We must also remember that war is never about others that is just an illusion, be aware when your battles stems from blaming someone else or a situation, let us take that moment to centre back into the realisation that the war is always with ourselves.
On a separate note, I can’t help but think of how different our world would we be if we all conquered the wars within us first. As it seems to me, the wars going on around us, are just reflections of the wars we’ve failed to conquer within us.
So whose with me? Whose ready for battle. I’m conjuring up my Spiritual Warrior within… and I’m ready.
My fear will not control me, or my life… I choose peace.
Let us all have the courage to face our opponent… let that be our mission… and in doing so watch as the whole world reflects that victory back to us.
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