Sometimes when we manifest things… they come back to us but in the most peculiar of ways? Has anyone else ever experienced this?
I believe this happens to make you question what you were seeking for in the first place. Sometimes what we ask for isn’t exactly what we need right now… and therefore, the Universe brings it back to us in seemingly challenging ways; ways that make us reflect the purity of the intention.
For the past 6 months I've been manifesting A Goddess Space Pop Up at Summer Festivals in the UK!!
Visions of a beautiful Tipi Tent surrounded by Palms and Hanging Ivy; Adorned with silk cushions on the floor, incense wafting through terra-cotta burners … and soft golden silhouettes of Women's laughter illuminating through the tent as fellow festival goers walk past.
A Goddess Space; a place for Women to retreat amidst the craze of festival life, an oasis for Women to come together, to connect back to their powers , to submerge through Goddess Card Readings, Sharing Circles + Goddess Gatherings and Ulitmately, a space to Unleash their Magik.
The dream in my head was so rich and alive, I knew it was only a matter of time before it was brought through.
And so it was, in about May I met a Magikal lady who invited me to join her pitch at a host of different festivals this Summer, the opportunity was to good to be true; A summer spent as a Travelling Gypsy, hopping from one festival to the next with only my chest of Magikal treasures by my side.
I was so excited, I began planning all my ideas, soul storming on what I was going to create and how I was going to materialise such a space. I felt enriched, excited, prepared and confident. That was until I began to sense something not feeling100 percent right; you know that feeling in the pit of your stomach? The one you can feel when you just stop for a moment... well, it was that.
A few days later I received a call from this Magikal Lady saying sadly it wasn’t going to work out.
I spent a few despondent days hanging onto the dreams of what could have been. Until one day I woke up and there was a sweet scent in the air; it washed over me and brought into awareness a realisation that it wasn't the dream I had to let go of, but rather I had to accept that the timing may not have been right. Maybe it wasn’t my year, maybe all my preparation, visioning, passion seeking and creativity was just leading me to unleash it at another time.
This quiet voice, this knowing feeling, this sweet caress ... felt right and I slowly picked myself up and continued along my path.
That was Until.
Low and behold, 3 months later, as in 2 days ago, as in PEAK FESTIVAL SEASON; I got a call from none other than Wilderness Festival (MY DREAM FESTIVAL) saying there is a last minute pitch site available and would I want to bring The Goddess Space down…. Panic, Excitement, an Elated Rush!!! ... “Ahhh of course I dooooo"!!!!
My dreams have come true and off I went into my Pisces Fantasy world along with the Tipi tent, the long crotched dresses, playing with tarot cards in the fields, listening to Van Morrisson on repeat
"The only catch is you have 5 days to organise it" Said the lady on the phone
5 DAYS? Most people have 5 months! 5 days was not in my plan... 5 days was not enough time to create this space... to bring it all into reality?
Or was it... ?
A feeling swept over me... a rush, I felt outside of myself, like something else was driving me.
I surrendered to its call and let it drive me, hardly coming up for air... I began my Mission.
Searching on google for the cheapest, quickest delivery Bell Tent hire! Where to get a last minute credit card reader? Calling up van hires and trying to contact every flyer company to find a last minute deal!!! It was go go go … it was rush rush rush… it was let's doooooo thisssssss!!!!
Things were all falling into place, I had my flyer suppliers, the van organised , the stock ready, and even a last minute creative match box idea. I was making this happen, this was gonna happen!!
The only slight thing that was getting in the way of me making the final payment and confirming my space at Wilderness Festival was the Site structure. All you are given is a 6m x 6m patch of grass. I needed a tent!
A Tipi tent , A Bell Tent, Any Tent. I needed a Home, a Structure, a Space.
A space that would hold the gatherings. A space that would hold us as we connected to the deepest parts of ourselves. A space that would support us in Unleashing our Magik.
But, the space was resisting, the space was not flowing… the space was, in its own way, telling me this is not right. I couldn't find a tent to house us! I have to say, I tried to ignore it, and desperately searched for more options, but time was running out. Fears came flowing into my head. Fears of rejection, fears of letting my dreams pass me by, fears of not taking advantage of the opportunity, fears that I was missing my chance.
In retrospect my fear felt like the driving force, the rush I got when I received this last minute call, not, the excitement and confidence in being able to create a Magikal Goddess Space for Women at a Festival.
For anyone who has birthed something into this world, I’m sure you will connect to this. I slowly began to realise that the wellbeing of my creation, of The Goddess Space, was more important than my Ego and my fears.
If the space to hold The Goddess Space was not revealing itself, then how could I authentically bring my dreams into reality? How could I authentically bring the Magik of The Goddess Space to the Festival?
And if I wasn't doing it for that? Then why was I doing it?
I couldn’t answer the question… and therefore that was my answer.
It was hard to admit it, to admit that maybe my dream to create a Goddess Space at Festivals wasn’t ready to be born just yet, and although I was desperately seeking it into reality... the universe was,in the most peculiar of ways, sending me signs to question my intentions.
This morning I woke up and emailed the head of Wilderness to thank her so much for this opportunity, but to sadly let her know that I was not able to go through with it.
I felt conflicted like a battle of 9 sharp swords.. but ultimately I felt beneath it all, that it was the right thing to do.
Following your heart can sometimes feel uncomfortable, but we must not use that as an excuse to go another way. Follow your heart, that quiet wise voice within… even if everything you’ve dreamt of is standing right in front of you… the only real road to take is the one we feel within ourselves.
So trust the path.