Its 9am on a Thursday morning. I'm sitting at the back of a rickety old coffee shop sipping on a hot oat milk latte served in a short glass with a beautiful heart design imprinted on frothy foam.
I'm about to take a sip.
I'm preparing myself for a moment of reflection. A moment to stop and reflect on my past week.
This has become a weekly ritual for me.
For I have learnt that every moment holds a message and if we dare to look deep enough within we will begin to see all the ways in which the universe is guiding us. But the truth is, we're all to busy; to busy to stop + listen, to busy to see how the universe is constantly trying to speak to us, teach us, heal us. And who knows what we're too busy doing, but all I know is we are make ourselves to busy; distracting ourselves, spending our time and energy trying to figure out the path instead of taking that time to truly see that all the signs are laid out right in front of us.
So here I am, about to dive inwards in this rickety old coffee shop to explore the true depths behind this week, to go on a journey,to find the medicine and bring it home.
I begin to ponder on my Self Reflection Check List, with my journal beside me, taking a deep inhalation I begin to journey...
☾ How has my inner state been this week?
☾ Where have my thoughts been?
☾ Whats triggered me?
☾ What events have happened?
☾ What have I spent my time doing?
☾ Have I learnt anything new?
☾ Have I risen?
☾ Have I shown the world my best self?
☾ Have I sprinkled my light?
☾ Have I loved? Have I laughed? Have I lived?
I'm taken through flashbacks of the past 7 days.
First hit with a crash. Waves + feelings of inadequacy bubble up from within me. I watch as the scenes of me feeling unworthy begin to play out.
I see myself lying on my bed with a pit in my stomach, scrolling through Instagram and receiving those all familiar pangs of comparison.
I then journey to the fight I had with my partner, the way I felt, the way I needed to feel heard, the longing to feel worthy and the desperation in my eyes as I pressured him to give that to me. I use my breathe here to move through these moments.
I'm then taken up to my thoughts, to the things I kept telling myself this week.
"You are not enough, you need to work harder, you've having a creative block, you have nothing to share, nothing to say" and I begin to see how my thoughts shaped the reality I perceived this week.
Taking a deep inhalation, I feel my breathe journey deeper and deeper down, as I'm then swept into the moments I shared. The moments of love, of laughter, of joy.
Flashing back to candlelit dinners with friends + the advice and wisdom they gave me. I reflect on the cards I pulled in my tarot spreads, to the herbs I chose to sprinkle in my ritual baths, to the moments of dancing in my living room and ways I felt I needed to express myself.
To my walks in nature, and the impulse of taking my shoes off, running barefoot on the earth, hugging trees and looking up into the vast sky, knowing there was something out there, something alive in the invisible.
And all of a sudden, as if a lightening bolt struck through me, a scene pop up clear as day within me. I'm taken to this morning, to my walk to the coffee shop, I watch as this dimly lit girl, began to straighten her back, lift her head up head, brush off the stories, the thoughts, the feelings of not being enough.. I saw how she breathed into her heart, felt her feet firmly on the ground and returned back to that knowing, that strength, that power. The wave of inadequacy transmuted into a flow of love. Of self love, self honour, and see trust.
Just like that, I arrive to the moment in the journey where the reflection begins to turn into the message, where the pieces puzzle together and I find the medicine.
I see how the universe was living in every one of those moments, awakening me to a journey; a journey so much deeper than what I was seeing. I see how the moments of insecurities were an opportunity to return a back to that strength, to find that power, to trust and surrender and to rise with my head held high.
Taking an inward smile and deep inhalation, I gently return back to the rickety old coffee shop feeling held, feeling heard, feeling grounded, feeling supported; feeling everything I was seeking to feel this week. Yet, knowing that I needed to journey away from myself in order to return back stronger, more rooted, more grounded. For the universe lives within all of it, it lives in the arguments, it lives in our thoughts ( good + bad) , it lives in our walks in nature, in our talks with friends. The universe is inside of everything.. whispering to you, guiding you, trying to wake you up..all you need to do is find the time to listen.
This is how our moments become our medicine. This is how our fears become the pathway to love. The negative turns into positive and you become the seer, the woman who can heal herself, a Woman in her power.
As the Full Moon looms over us this weekend, we are given a potent opportunity to take some time, to stare up at the big mirror ball in the sky, and reflect. Reflect on the messages, reflect on the moments, reflect on the medicine.
If you are further interested in this work, then check out my 1:1 sessions, which were created to create that sacred space for you to learn how to find the deeper meaning + Magik on your spiritual journey.