So you may or may not have not, but I’ve been offline since Thursday.
This wasn’t an intentional idea rather a forced intervention from the universe, I’ll call it.
I was forced to disconnect in order to reconnect.
So I got fully disconnected … my phone went haywire, and just like that on Thursday evening, Instagram, Facebook, whatsaspp + iMessage deleted off my phone, and I was left with no apparent means to communicate.
I accepted what had happened, albeit can admit I was slightly irritated!
I tried a few times to re jig it , before realising that this was in fact a lesson being sent to me, and I knew in my heart that only in surrendering would I find the peace I was seeking.
The first few minutes where uncomfortable. It was so quiet + eery. I felt so removed + totally disconnected. Fears of missing out on a work opportunity, or forgetting appointments kept popping into my head. Fear of this space that was being created, a space that I was so used to filling up.
As the minutes drew into hours, I began to get curious, I began to explore this space, I began to observe how time felt different, how there lived a whole world above and beyond this screen, above and under this realm we can so often fall into.
And so I called upon myself to truly surrender to this space and this space felt different to the space I create through meditation, rituals + gatherings. For this was a space with no means to the technology we've been led to believe that we need, this space felt like an open ending space, with no means to an end, no phone to check, messages to receive or things to share. This felt like a journey back to basics.
I began to listen to what happens when I stop trying to document my life + actually start to live it. What happens when I stop focusing on my outward energy and come home to my inward energy. What happens when life returns to you?
All sorts of fears began to emerge, mainly interestingly enough, a fear around giving myself permission to live + experience life just for me . There was a fear that that in itself wasn't enough. A belief that I guess Instagram + other social media platforms can lead us to believe, a notion that anything worth doing is worth sharing.
So is it still of worth if it's just for you ?
As I dove into experiences free from any other motivation, I began to realise that what we share is so limited anyway.
Its limited by a screen, a visual, to a sound, and someones perception of it.
Its so limited that as a viewer you are only receiving a glimpse into that experience, and however you choose to perceive it is a reflection of you rather than a reflection of me.
For you cannot see the depths of ones soul through a screen.
So when we live our lives trying to capture our precious moments instead of fully living them ~ we give no service to anyone. For the person viewing is limited, just as the person sharing is.
The fault in technology lies in deluding us in believing that we can connect, we can transcend oceans, we can communicate, we can share, we can fully know + connect with someone through a scree, but the truth, is we can only truly share + view a glimpse of it.
And what this glimpse is... is a glimpse of your soul.
I hope i’m making sense here, but in the depths of my being I know exactly what i'm trying to say + I guess this is the point.
Social media + Instagram are platforms that allow you to showcase a glimpse of your inner self, but it can never fully express the depths of your soul.
The inner expression of my inner self, is the place I go to within… and no matter how much I invite you into see that space, It can never truly translate.
You may see glimpses through my messages, you may feel it during my gatherings, it may sprinkle out through into my 1:1 sessions .
But what you see is not who I am,
For I am not what people perceive me to be
I am not what I do,
How I spend my days,
Or what I write about.
I am not my messages that come through me,
or the ideas I have.
Those aspects are apart of me, but if i just focus on them then I am not fully experiencing my fullness,and i become just like you, a viewer of my experience rather than a participant.
In giving yourself permission to write, create, exist just for yourself… what you are truly doing is spending time with your soul, and remembering that that right there is enough.
I'll call it soul time; a space so sacred that no one can enter apart from you.
This is where you find the real moments of joy, this is where you uncover the truest, rawest + most powerful expressions of life.
It's in the spaces, the spaces that we can so easily fill with technology, and distractions. The space that our mind calls us to fill up with stuff, but our souls asks us to surrender too.
It's in these spaces that beckon us inwards, these spaces, that hold the true experiences of life… and they are for no-one but yourself.
This little lesson from the universe has come with teachings and remembering that i'm being calling to integrate and that although you may never feel them how I did, you can perhaps create your very own journey with them.
Mindful Lessons for Instagram
Create boundaries with Instagram.
I will now only share when I feel called.
I will let go of the expectation and the fears that created around it , that I need to be for others more than myself .
I will make conscious choices to remember everyday that it is not outside that defines me, it is not peoples perception, affirmation or acceptance that fills me up but rather the strength and power of true relationship within.
I will find new + creative means of reaching out and connecting to my tribe! Instagram + technology is not the only way!
As I re enter the outward world and receive my fixed iphone 7, I promise my soul to go gently... , gently , gently.